This past weekend I was invited to speak at GCC’s Daddy Daughter Dance. I consider this an honor as I was able to bring Megan with me. What you read below is a loose paraphrase of some that I shared with the 90 or so daddy’s and daughters that were in attendance.
I was the first person my daughter ever saw. I was there as she was born, I cut the cord, I was first to make eye contact with her. I love my daughter and find fatherhood to be a true joy. I have shared with my daughter many times over the past ten years that I want her to feel comfortable to share anything with me as she grows into a young woman. I try to be as honest as possible with her about my past struggles as I have found appropriate and will continue to do so as she matures. My desire is that she knows without question that my love for her is unconditional. Nothing, I repeat, nothing will ever change my love for her. Daughters need a daddy that will teach them what unconditional love looks like.
A few years ago I was convicted about the lack of time I was spending with my oldest daughter. I have always wanted to be available and able to speak into my daughter’s life. When Megan turns 15, 22, 30 and so on – I want to be able to have a voice in her life. The conviction came when I realized I was not building a good foundation for that desire to rest upon. That all changed and for the past three years every Friday morning we have a Daddy Date. It’s been a simple time of going to Dunkin’ Donuts for a bagel and coffee (she gets a hot chocolate). Most mornings we talk about simple things, we dream about what the pigeons eating seeds outside the shop are thinking, we talk about school assignments, some days we just take silly pictures of each other on my iPhone an laugh. The thing that I want my daughter to fully understand is that she is important to me. I want her to know without question that she is at the top of my priority list. My youngest daughter Makenna began school this Fall and we now have our weekly Daddy Dates on Saturday. Daughters need a daddy who value time with them.
It’s been said that you can tell a persons priorities by looking at their calendar and their checkbook. What you spend your time and money on signify what are priorities to you. Daughters need a daddy who make them a priority.
I am all too aware of the fact that there will come a day when I take second place as a man for my daughter. I know that there will be a point in her life when she seeks out another man to give her heart to. As I spend my time with her and share my heart with her I am working very hard to set the bar very high for what she will look for in a man. I treat my daughter the way that I want her to expect any man to treat her. I want to make it difficult for her to be attracted to a guy that treats her like dirt. I want her to have high standards for who she will give her heart to. I do this to protect her. I do this to keep her from the heartache of making a poor choice in her relationships. As she spends time with a man who is strong in character and values she will be able to spot the phonies. Daughters need a daddy that will be great examples of what it means to be a man.
Maybe you haven’t had the best start in regards to the relationship with your daughter. It’s not over. There is still hope for your relationship. You can begin to build trust with your daughter. Coming from a father of two beautiful young girls – it’s worth it. Don’t let anything get in your way. Take the steps now to strengthen your relationship with your daughter, you won’t regret it!
would like your opinion on how to approach this issue with a husband and father that this is an issue with. Two daughters (10,3) that long for daddy time. He is a very successful business owner and truly believes that he is doing his part by providing us with the solid finnacial foundation. He works till at least 9pm m-f. He does manage to come home once a week to eat dinner with us. Weekends are spent playing travel ball with our 10 year old mostly so he’s supportative there, but I can see the lack of time and the affects its bringing but when I approach him all he hears is me calling him a bad father. I tried the ” your going to realize what you have missed one day and it will be too late” but he gets defensive. Any suggestions?
Unfortunately, it is too late for my dad. I wish he could have heard this before he abandoned our family in 1984. As a “daddy’s girl”, I was traumatized to the point of shutting out the world and not speaking for 3 1/2 years. He did reach out and try to reconcile on Christmas 1998. Then he died April 1999 before having a chance of me meeting him while old enough to remember.
@Deb – I am so sorry to hear that. My prayer is that you will find in your life a spiritual father who will help you to heal from this loss. One thing I do know is that your Father in heaven is always around for you. He promises that He will never leave you or forsake you.
This is exactly what My Mom & I were talking about! You have an amazing ability to reach our hearts & hit home such important messages. I love your honesty about not always putting in the time & I love the action!!!!!! A date time for You & Your Daughters is such a great idea. I think….not only will I pass this on but will start this with my children. Thank you!
Kevin,
Just fab. As a dad who is raising an amazing 5 year old girl, it was a great reminder why I spend time with my daughter and why I need to make it a priority to spend even more. I perform as an actor at Christian youth conferences often and afterward when we meet with the kids I often think, “Where are the dads?” when I meet a particularly lonely or troubled teen. I never want someone to say that about my daughter. Thank you for voicing what is in my head.
Best,
Chris Woolsey
http://www.teamwordplay.com
Beautiful Kevin… Beautiful. Tears welled up in my eyes. My God bless this legacy you’re leaving your daughters